Timeout

A fortnight ago we did something completely selfish. We took a holiday WITHOUT our kids.

I say selfish, because I really did feel bad when I was telling my little people that we were going away in a plane, I felt bad when I booked a swanky hotel where the kids have never been and I felt bad when I asked the grandparents to take a night each in babysitting. 

I felt so bad, I almost considered cancelling! The plane tickets had been a prize (someone has to win the raffle!) and so I knew it would likely be a one-off experience - jetting off for a weekend in the city for some romance. I decided I had to do it. What's more, on behalf of busy parents everywhere, I had to enjoy it, too.

To be fair, since the kids the only 'grown up' holidays we've taken have been separately - a girls weekend here or a boys trip there. We've had the odd evening out together for a wedding or a 40th - but our kids had never spent more than a few hours out of a parent's care. After eight years of parenting, I told myself we deserved a weekend off.

At the airport we both admitted to feeling a little lost. For the first time in eight years, we queued side-by-side and silently, we checked all our luggage through and we read in the departures lounge. We live in a largish country town, so of course we knew half a dozen of the fifty passengers on our plane. A couple of them mentioned, "You look lost... where are your kids?!" We weren't tag-teaming like usual, one kid-wrangling while the other juggled five travel coupons and assorted nappy/toy/overnight bags.

And... it felt good! It felt calm, it felt relaxing. I found that I liked it.

On our little child-free trip, we walked ridiculous amounts - I clocked over forty THOUSAND steps in forty hours. We did things the kids would have found boring... like visiting the gallery and having quiet coffees (OK, J found those things boring too). We also did things that we knew the kids would have loved (eating ice-cream and riding the glass lifts) and promised to let them do those next time we visit the city.

We slept, we joked around, we went out in the evenings for dancing and drinks. We shopped in places that had many, many shiny breakables, shops that were too narrow for a pram and shops that *didn't* have a toy section. 

We remembered how good I was (when my hands were free of children) at dealing a loud slap for his impertinent remarks**. We felt young. We felt connected, we really looked at each other for the first time in months and appreciated one another. If you know my husband, you know he's one of the best - and I sometimes forget  just how lucky I am.

Then.. we came home to our children (who we had missed) - happy and ready to face another week of school drop offs, speech lessons, basketball training and missing ballet shoes. 

We have promised we won't leave it another eight years before we prioritise some quality time together. 

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**It's our 'thing'. He insults, I slap. We both enjoy it, honest!

Linking up to IBOT on Essentially Jess

P!nk

Earlier this year I was lucky enough to see Pink performing live.

After such a stressful year, I really needed the 'escape' from reality that a trip to the city with 'my girls' entailed. We stayed in a nice hotel the night before, slept in til nearly noon (can't remember the last time that happened) and then got ready for the concert.

It felt like being sixteen again. We talked and sang and did our hair and got way too excited about our special night out. Instead of ringing our parents to let them know we were OK, we rang our husbands to check our children were OK.

Yes, we did have matching PJs - it was a girls' weekend, after all!!!

 

Part of me wanted to be the sensible grown up who sat on an elevated seat and could relax while watching the show. But the part of me who loves a live act, who gets a thrill from arriving early to get a great view won out. We took the train from the city to the venue, arrived in the pouring rain. But not even soggy hair could dampen our enthusiasm.

We were right in front of the stage and it took a bit to stand our ground, but we ended up in almost perfect position to see the show on the stage and above us in the air.

Not everything was to my taste but it *was* a spectacular show. I found myself marveling that someone (who herself is just five weeks younger than myself) could have that level of energy, creativity and stamina after motherhood. It was every bit as entertaining and wonderful as her previous show, I found myself wanting to go again the minute the curtains dropped.

I relived so much of my young adulthood through her set list. I can't think of another singer who has meant so much to me over my adult life. The anxiety, the self-doubt, the love, the loss, the misery and the joy that being a grown up brings... she nails it every time. Don't let me Get Me, Most Girls, Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)... I sang my guts out and loved every minute.

"Just Give Me A Reason"(feat. Nate Ruess)

 

Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you never say to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah, but this is happenin')

You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh
Used to lie so close to me, oh, oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh, our love, our love

 Our tear ducts can rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

 Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

To me, Just Give Me a Reason to me is the best song on the latest record. It just says everything *I* have learned about love, but way more elegantly than I could ever explain it. Makes me fall in love with Alecia Moore's song writing just that little bit more, and makes me want to hug my husband just that little bit tighter.

If she does another concert tour, I'll be there. Even if it means wearing depends, I'll be standing as front-and-centre as I can afford, singing along.

Are you a fan? What's your favourite song? And does anyone else think the song Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely) is the perfect harried mother anthem?!

How to really talk to your daughter...

I recently read an article called "How to Talk to Little Girls" by Lisa Bloom. It's making the rounds on facebook and focusses on getting people to really talk to the little girls in their lives, rather than just praising them for their beauty. It suggests really engaging your daughter/niece/friend in meaningful conversation about their goals and aspirations, their accomplishments and achievements.

It is something I have been mindful of as I have begun this journey of raising my daughter.

The thing is, all the little girls I know already open these sorts of conversations, without being prompted. Little girls don't just seek praise for their cuteness and beauty. They want to show you things - things they've made, things they've seen, things that have made them laugh. They want to show you how much they have going on inside their head, the knowledge they've gained since they last had your undivided attention. They are full of words of wisdom, strange facts and beautiful aspirations. They want to prove to you that they matter, they've grown and they have something to contribute.

I really don't really see the problem with telling a little girl she is beautiful. I tell my little Miss Piggy how gorgeous she is almost every day. If not in conversation, with the looks I give her every time she takes my breath away with her radiance and happiness. Of course, I also tell her how much I love to hear her sing, see her dance, how I love her infectious giggle and her big heart. I'll tell her how proud it makes me to listen to her read, to see her explain something with clarity and tenderness to her little brother; her ability to know just when a little squeeze of my hand is going to make my day infinitely better.

Back when my hair had less grey and I could still run faster than Miss Piggy

 

I can't believe that praising her for her beauty is going to encourage her to one day argue with me over make-up and boys and other grown-up stuff. I refuse to believe that any daughter of mine, raised in this house where civility and  working hard are a prerequisite for parental approval, will honestly ever truly believe that being Australia's Next Top Model is the ultimate honour just because we praised her for her appearance as a tween. 

Soon enough, she will be an awkward teenager, struggling with self-esteem and self-worth when other, far less complimentary, voices drown out my own... so for now, (and forever) I will tell my daughter she is beautiful! And, I will teach her to accept the compliment with grace.

 I agree with Lisa Bloom. We need to listen to the little girls in our lives. Really listen. We also need to praise, encourage and nurture them in ways that gives them the confidence to achieve. But I don't agree that we should stop reminding them of their beauty. We should model for them what a thinking woman sees as true beauty. That beauty is in a smile, a kind word, a gesture. It's in health and happiness. It's in self-confidence, self-worth and pride in oneself. 

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Oh my goodness!!! This post was featured on Maxabella's Rewind last week!!! How very exciting :) When my work week is too busy, dropping into Maxabella Loves with a cuppa in hand is almost like catching up with an old friend for coffee. Thanks for the link :) 

Cheesy Chicken Triangles

These used to be in regular rotation at our place, pre-kids. This afternoon I quickly threw a few together. They're so easy, I could do them quickly despite heavy eyes and aching legs.

 

Just leftover chicken, some shallots and grated cheese, folded inside a quarter sheet of puff pastry and baked at 180C for 15mins. Yum.

 

 

 

 

I served with snow peas, cherry tomatoes and shop-bought pasta salad, but they are just as yummy with steamed veges. 



Too easy Pumpkin Soup recipe

I love soup. I know some people say soup is not a meal, but I beg to differ.

This year our favourite is pumpkin. I generally use a nice butternut pumpkin as we enjoy the sweet flavour - but I have been known to sub-in some sweet potato or carrot if they are cheap. My kids actually seem to prefer the 50/50 pumpkin/sweet potato blend best :)

Here is my lazy mothers' recipe for Pumpkin Soup. I always double it - that way there's enough soup for two hearty meals!



TOO EASY PUMPKIN SOUP (serves four)

Ingredients:

750g pumpkin
250g potato
700 ml of vegetable stock
1 large onion
1 tbs crushed garlic (I buy the kind in a jar)
tbsp oil (to fry)
1/2 tsp ginger (optional)

Cream if desired

You will also need a very large pot and a stick mixer

1. Preheat oven to 175C degrees.
2. Peel potatoes and cut into halves/quarters
3. Place pumpkin and potatoes into oven to roast for 45 min

This is a double quantity batch

4. Fine dice onion
5. When pumpkin and potatoes are done, cut into large chunks. Pumpkin skin will come away easily. Discard skin and seeds. (leave browned outer layer of potato, it will add flavour)
6. In a large pot, fry oil ,onion and garlic. I let mine brown a little, but you can just fry til onion turns translucent if desired.
7. Add ginger and stir
8. Add pumpkin and potato and stir until well mixed.

9. Pour in stock
10. Bring to boil and then reduce to a simmer for 30mins
11. Allow to cool before blending with a stick mixer
12. Add boiling water if you prefer a thinner soup. Add cream as desired (not necessary, but we like it)
13. Serve :)

Makes well over a litre. I find I can roast the vegetables while the kids do their homework or I put them all through the shower. Roasting them first makes them easier to peel (I hate peeling pumpkin) and also gives a nicer flavour and slightly darker colour to the soup. Actual 'cooking' time is quite minimal and I know that this is a healthy meal my kids will love.

Leftovers can be reheated or even frozen (I prefer to freeze it before adding cream but it's ok to do either). I have also stirred left over soup through a pasta dish the next day instead of tomato based sauce.

Let me know if you give it a try!

Houston... we have a problem

I caught up with an old friend last week. A friend I hadn't seen in eighteen months, despite the fact we live within walking distance of each other. I brought fruit, she brought coffee and cake, we both brought kids and met at the local park.

After all the greetings were done, and we let the kids loose on the playground, I saw her watching my Small Boy extra carefully. It's a look I've seen before. "What's wrong with this picture?"

It's kind of hard to blurt it out. How can you tell people your child has a problem without feeling like you are letting our child down? Every time I tell strangers, "He's hearing impaired, I'm sorry," when he takes the lollipop/balloon/whatever they are offering without a "thank you", I feel like making those excuses for him might be hurting his little ego.

I find myself pushing him around Coles in the trolley saying things like, "Oh, you are a lovely boy! You're so handsome and I love you so much" just to sort of reaffirm to him that he is just such a delight to mother. I don't want him feeling anything less than the wonderful, smart little person he is. I suppose I'm putting myself in his shoes. Imagining how much I would hate for everyone to know that I was behind in such important skills - listening and talking.

You might be thinking, "why isn't she worried about him being trapped in a body with no way to communicate his ideas?" and that's because despite the lack of speech, he communicates beautifully. He has an expressive little face with dimples when he smiles. He does some signing on the important things. Apart from this - between his pointing and showing he always seems to get his message across. And when he can't? Well he does it himself. He's been pouring his own milk and cereal for eighteen months now (sometimes at 3am if he gets hungry). He drags a chair to reach for things like the secret m&ms in the fridge. He pours his own water and peels his own bananas. He can even turn on a computer and put his favourite show on iView! So, there's no need to be feeling sorry for him. He's quite content.

So... back to my playdate.

I have a system of sorts. When I need someone to know what is wrong with the picture I sort of casually slipped the following phrase into conversation, "...since the surgery..." For some reason, if you mention surgery, people will always always say, "Oh... what surgery?" That's my cue to let them know about his ears and how now he can hear and how with only a few months of hearing under his belt he's doing quite well with his talking.

It's the only way I know how to put a positive spin on the whole thing.

If we open with surgery, people are suddenly filled with admiration for my brave boy. They want to hear about his successes with his talking instead of commiserating the fact he's behind. I don't want to hear anyone saying things like, "Oh, he'll catch up when he's ready" or saying things like, "Must be because he has older siblings to do the talking for him." I want to hear, "...wow - it must be like a whole new world has opened up for him! Isn't he doing well to be so happy about it all?"

He's ready. He's working hard. I have no doubt speech will happen and the less pressure on us, the easier it will be. It makes me feel so much more confident when people acknowledge the effort he's making, how brave and smart and happy he is.

In the next few months, we find out if he needs more surgery. I believe in the power of prayer... if you do too, please add us to your list? Pray that this first surgery was enough to correct the issue in his ears and the only other hurdle we have is getting him speaking.

Thanks for listening  :)

My favourite wall

We have a huge wall that runs up along our staircase at home. It is visible from our lounge/dining and kitchen and was so bare and so blank for so long (ten years in fact).

The problem was not so much deciding what to put there, it was more the whole putting my money where my mouth was and getting something printed.

I knew I wanted canvas. I knew I wanted happy memories. I knew I wanted photographs we'd taken. Picking them was the first hurdle. On the one hand we had pretty good photos we'd taken - but they seemed to lack personality and... happiness. Then we had photos that were great mementos of fantastic days, but they fitted more into the snapshot variety.

In the end I decided on happy memories. After all, who cares if it's a masterpiece - I wanted something that made me smile every time I looked at it.

Then we had to find the right deal. Anyone who knows me well knows I'm a bargain hunter. I wanted HUGE but on a TINY budget.

I ended up finding a couple of deals through Groupon with Fabness and a fb site "Cheap Canvas Prints". In the end I was able to do the more grown up landscape prints I wanted AND the fun family memories. I got seven enormous prints (ranging from 40cm x 60 to 100 cm x 50cm) for around $200 delivered.

So here it is... my favourite wall

The top image was taken in Verona last year - after a trip to finalise some details with my Grandfather's estate (and a visit to other relatives) we took a detour on the way home. Italy always lifts my mood after saying goodbye to my family. This photo was taken at the end of a long and satisfying day - full of crepes, pastries and hot chocolates as we strolled along cobbled roads and shaded pathways.

Miss Piggy and I had been pirouetting in the town square just before taking this photo - we looked downright crazy, but why not? We were in a magical place where nobody knew us!  We balanced the camera in the seat of the stroller outside the front of our hotel. After the photo, we climbed the stairs to our ancient but gorgeous hotel room - with a huge comfortable bed under a skylight that let us see the stars. A day that will be hard to beat.

I don't care that a lamp post dominates the picture or that the lines are not really in keeping with rules of photography. I love the colours and the feeling it gives me when I stop to look at it. It really takes me back.

The bottom image was taken a few months later - under a setting sun at a local beach. It was windy Wintertime but we had so much fun chasing the kids on the wet sand. We have lots of snaps from this happy afternoon. And I love that J's hands are on Small Boy's chumpy little legs - it reminds me of that newly-two-year-old who just loved to run and whose little legs didn't listen to mummy.

We used a tripod placing the camera above our heads, a timer and some long arm stretches to press the button. The sand around our feet is pretty messy - but that's because we've been running around like maniacs for an hour.  I'm sure a professional could pick dozens more faults with this photo... but I love it.

I'm so glad that I waited those ten years to fill this wall - because I filled it with pictures of our completed family. We're all there, and we're all happy and for that reason these photos are the epitome of perfect to me :)  

(Inspiration for this post comes from reading Kate's post at Picklebums)