Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Knowing you're done

The other day a colleague brought her newborn niece into our staffroom. While I watched everyone fussing over the tiny little thing I felt pangs of actual pain in my stomach. So much so I actually got up to have a chat to someone on the other side of the room just to take my mind off it all.

It was the end of a long day and I could have just gone home, but I felt a sort of internal conflict going on in my body - some sort of strange baby-magnetism kept me there, despite my feet wanting to take me elsewhere. M, a new grandmother whispered to me as she sidled past to get a closer look at the little poppet. "It's ok - we know you're a breeder," she winked conspiratorially.

It's true. I think that had I been born a hundred years ago, I would now have ten or eleven children. All driving me insane. Perhaps I may not have wanted ten offspring, but some sort of biological urge would have kept me permanently knocked-up, I am sure of it.

I know that for my circumstances, three is my absolute limit. When Small Boy was born, I wished that we had the opportunity for one more - for a little 'mate' for him to play with. I've always loved that closeness my older two share. As time has gone by, I've realised that one more would have meant that I had no time/energy to do all the things that Small Boy needs me to do for him. But part of me still wonders what just one more would have been like.

I am so lucky - THREE little children to call my own. I know I am blessed with the most amazing gifts that life can offer. I feel greedy even thinking about wanting a fourth when I know so many people are desperate to have even one.

There will be no more babies (Hubby has seen to that). I am perfectly content with my three little people who I love wildly. At least until the next little newborn visits our staffroom ;)

This is a self-portrait I took while 32 weeks pregnant
with little number 3. He was a whopper!
       
http://essentiallyjess.com/finding-point-ibot/
 

9 comments:

  1. I am very content with 3 too!! Love that picture.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful photo!
    I understand the yearning for another baby. I'd love to give my little girl a sibling, but so far it has not worked for us. Like you, every time I see a newborn I don't know whether to cuddle it, or run away and hide from the maternal emotions.
    Lovey post.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love my two but I have on occassion whistfully thought how 3 would be such a lovely number Xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yep, 3 is our limit, in saying that if we lived in country and had money I could change my mind!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I only have two. My youngest is 8 months. I'm not sure if I'm finished but I definitely know three would be my limit. I think it's natural to have those pangs because it is such a beautiful stage of life. Messy and exhausting, but still beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My limit is two and that is where we have stopped! One, two, three or ten, they are all blessings. Your photo is just gorgeous! Good luck when the next newborn visits the staff room xx Josefa #teamIBOT

    ReplyDelete
  7. That is the most gorgeous photo! Three little bubs sounds perfect! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  8. My husband is adamant that we are done now with out two girls but I'm not so sure. Half of me is happy with the two (and wonders how on earth I would ever actually cope with three when I struggle with two), but the other half just does not feel done. I guess you could say it's really a battle between the head (wanting to stick with 2), and the heart feeling like 3 is the right number.

    ReplyDelete
  9. We just knew that three was our number too. x

    ReplyDelete

I love reading your comments, thanks for stopping by :)