Sunday, July 15, 2012
Grateful for endings... and beginnings
This week was my first week working part-time in over a year. I've dropped from a five day week to four.
A year ago, we sat down as a couple (and as parents to our three young children) and tried to work out what was best for our family. After an unexpected addition to our family, our best laid plans had come unstuck and we had to replan our future. We decided to try something different - fulltime work for me to help build my career and hopefully allow hubby to find some balance between work and family.
The year has been great for our kids, we've managed to get them everywhere they need to go and with a mix of hubby working onsite/from home, we've only needed to have our small boy cared for outside the home three days per week.
It worked pretty well - except for one thing.. me! I didn't cope very well with fulltime work in conjunction with being a well-rounded person. I also didn't feel I was being a very good parent, particularly given that I have a two year old son who is yet to call me 'mum' (or say much at all for that matter). I was tired, cranky, guilt-ridden and unhappy.
So this week I'm grateful that we are in a position to let me drop back to four days.
The extra day at home means I can take my small boy to music, have some one-on-one time with him (when I returned to work, he wasn't even walking so this is a pretty big deal) and work through a speech program with him. It made my week feel so much shorter and I feel happier and more balanced already.
I'm grateful for time, for patience - for knowing when to say 'enough' and for set ups that allow a compromise (I know not everyone is as lucky as me).
I'm also grateful that I'm here - as a 'replacement' baby conceived after my parents lost their eldest daughter, I know that things always happen for a reason - even awful things. I think that has helped me deal with some of the tragedies that have happened to me over the years - knowing that the awful thing happening to me means that something good will eventually arise out of it for someone.
I always take time to reflect on how lucky I am to be living the life I have on the anniversary of her birth and death. And I hug my own precious children (none of whom turned up when we planned for them) and celebrate how surprising and wonderful life can be. Back in the days when I was lamenting the fact I didn't think I would ever have a baby, I could never have known that it was all in God's perfect timing, that I had to wait for these *particular* three beautiful people to make their way into my life... and I wonder if my parents thought the same of me and my younger siblings.
Soppy, aren't I?
Joining in with 52 Weeks of Grateful over at Kidspot.